Quieting The Voice Inside Our Heads

Linda Kreger Silverman, Ph.D
Gifted Development Center

Ten years ago, I wrote an article entitled, “No Bullying,” about the way we bully ourselves. I believe that most of us have a harsh voice inside our heads that chastises us when we “make mistakes.” It is quick to judge us, often calling us names. “That was stupid!” The power this voice has over us increases our anxiety. In this era of mindfulness, we yearn for inner peace. We are aware that the more inner peace we attain, the more peace there will be in the world. Despite this awareness, we allow our critical inner voice to remain unchecked.

I would like you to join me in an experiment. Each time I hear a negative message toward myself, I am going to try to stop and listen to exactly what it is saying. If I don’t fully recall, I will ask, “Say that again?” If I can, I am going to write down the words and record the date. Then I am going to analyze the message and have a conversation with this part of my psyche. I imagine it will go something like this:

• “Is this true?”

• “Is it kind?”

• “Would you say this to someone else?”

• “How would you have rephrased it if you were talking to someone else?”

• “Is it important?”

• “Do you notice when I do something well?”

• “Would you please try to be more aware of what I do well?”

• “Would you please try to be kind to me?”

• “Thank you.”
  

I have no idea if this will work, but I suspect that if I simply pay attention to the negative remarks, I will bring them into consciousness instead of burying them in my unconscious. It is only in the unconscious that reprimands have the power to shame me or undermine my self-esteem. My own awareness is likely to change the pattern. I plan on recording the dates of these mental outbursts and see if they lessen as I pay attention and engage in dialogue about them.

If we go on the assumption that all parts of us are genuinely trying to protect us, just the act of paying attention—really listening to our inner voice—is likely to calm it down. Maybe it screams because it doesn’t feel heard. Maybe we will learn something important in the exchange that will change our behavior. Maybe we will even feel some compassion for this part of us and try to comfort it.

If this idea intrigues you, please share your experiences. Write to gifted@gifteddevelopment.com. Thank you.